Yes, Ireland is nice!

In France, it seems that lots of people have a distorted image of Ireland.

"An Erasmus stay in Ireland?! / Yes. / In Dublin? / No. / In Glasgow? / IRELAND! / Where? / In Cork. / Where??? / CORK! / Ah. (look of dismay). But why didn't you ask for Spain?"

First, I don't speak Spanish and I hate the sound of this language (sorry...), and then, Ireland is not the bleak rainy country that most French people imagine! Here are some pictures to prove it. They were taken the last time the sun shined, in 1959 at the beginning of the month.

 Cobh :

Blarney :

I would have liked to post the pictures I took in the Ring of Kerry but it would discredit this article because it was so hazy and cloudy this day that we can't see anything on the pictures... I hope I'll have the opportunity to go there again on a nice day before I leave, because I know how beautiful it is with some sun.

St Patrick's Day : a bit disappointed

I have to say that St Patrick's Day was not really up to my expectations.  Maybe I was expecting too much, after all the French national day has nothing amazing, except maybe the firework in the evening.

I wanted to see something typically Irish, I wanted to feel at the core of what it means to be Irish, I wanted a real change of scene. But in the end, the parade was a bit like the French one on the 14th of July on the Champs Elysées, except that the public was dressed in green. No, I'm a bit unfair, I've liked the fact that the different communities living in Cork were represented within the parade, there is no such thing in France on national day if I'm not mistaken. 

But then... it was like a R&G week night. Drunk people everywhere. Except that it was 3pm and that drunk people were dressed in green. I'm not judging anyone, it's just that I thought St Patrick's Day would have delivered me some of the essence of the Irish folklore. Well, not really. No, you won't make me say that being drunk is the essence of Irish identity!

I did it : French-Irish tea brack!

Ok, maybe it's not very aesthetically appealing...

...but as far as taste is concerned...

this was worth trying!

Let's get even ;)

Warning : The content of this article is NOT to be taken seriously. I'm writing for parody purposes ONLY. If I were so narrow-minded and racist, I would have stayed in my "wonderful" (...) country. So I hope nobody will get offended.

Brief definition

Ireland is very nice with its verdant hills and mountains, and it strives to attract tourists, who could have turned to England. It's also a very sunny country, which explains the skin colour of its inhabitants : see-through white. Warning : The red skin colour proudly sported by some of them is not due to the climate but rather to beer.

People

The inahbitants of Ireland live on clover. This unique feature is risky since excessive consumption of clover can lead to orange-ification of the hair. The Irish are very small and like the nature. They spend their days walking around gardens and fighting against weed killers. Sometimes, mean landscape gardeners turn them into stones in revenge and force them to wear stupid hats and to hold rakes, barrows or flower pots.

The unlucky guys are then subjected to the acidic attacks of the gardeners' dogs peeing on them...

The Irish are world-renowned for their ability to gulp down liters and liters of beer in record time. This is a nice alternative to suicide in such a rainy and cold country. The Irish drunkard always stays friendly and joyful, contrary to his French counterpart who is rather depressive and aggressive. It's also interesting to see how impervious to cold weather Irish women are. They can go out at 2am wearing bustier dresses in the middle of the winter, with no coat nor tights, while ordinary people are freezing under 3 jumpers.

Language

An old language called Gaelic still exists in Ireland. This language has been recognized as an incomprehensible dialect by the UNESCO since...since it exists, as well as the Breton for example. But since nobody understands it, English is preferably used in the everyday life. However, to differenciate a bit from the British, the Irish use specific expressions. Here is a glimpse of these lovely phrases, with their translation into English :

• Feckin' bastard : My dear friend
• Feck off : I hope to see you again
• Póg mo thóin : What about your family?

Source : http://desencyclopedie.wikia.com/wiki/Irlande

Let's self-flagellate!

Brief definition

France is the country of moaning, strikes, camembert and dogs poo. Its inhabitants, the French, spend their time complaining about their pathetic country in economic crisis but describe it as the most wonderful place ever if a foreigner asks them how it is.

People

Every morning, the French man goes for a ride with his bicycle and a baguette on the carrier, a striped jumper and a beret on his head. French women are all easy and pretty as everyone knows.

Paris is the only French city. You can ask the Parisians, they will confirm it. When the weather forecasts announce a nice weather in France, it means that the sun will shine in Paris, even if it's raining cats and dogs everywhere else in the country. The rest of France is villages, burgs, hamlets, crossroads, holes, that are generally speaking called the provinces. The primitive tribes from the provinces are living under the poverty line, can't read nor write and speak incomprehensible dialects called "patois". These tribes are very different from one another. There are alcoholic tribes, like the Breton and the Norman, but also idle tribes, like in Provence for example. There is also the unemployed tribe (in the North of France), the Boche in Alsace and the pro-independence tribes like people from Corsica and the Basque, who can't bear invaders - that is to say everyone who is not from the region.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Culture

France is also the country of gastronomy, and especially of cheese. It is the biggest cheese producer and consumer, with approximately 1 987 234 576 299 different sorts, either hard like stones or soft and runny, all stinky. The nuclear accident in Chernobyl was in fact caused by a technician who let his extra-strong Munster cheese sandwich fall in a reactor.

Major French inventions :

• Strike
• Revolution
• the 35h working week
• Guillotine
• Quebec

Source : http://desencyclopedie.wikia.com/wiki/France

I found this website during a sleepness night and I spent 1h laughing alone in front of my computer, thinking that I HAD TO translate it for this blog. An English version exists, but I've read it and it's less funny.

Next time, I'll look into Ireland's case ;)

WTF...?!!

As a visiting student, there are some habits of Irish people that let me speechless, some in a positive way... and some not.


I like :

- People's kindness and patience with foreigners

It happened to me several times when I was lost here that people stop spontaneously to ask me if they could help. Such an initiative is VERY unlikely to be experienced in France, believe me. The employees of the reception of my student hall and those working in the Tesco Express where I often go shopping are also very kind with me, they always ask me if I feel good in Ireland, if I'm not too homesick, and so on. People here are more curious and show more interest faced with diversity. Most people in France are in the best case indifferent with foreigners, and in the worse case annoyed or scared, which I really bemoan. I'm not talking about racism, but rather about a lack of patience open-mindedness and a tendency to self-centredness.

I'm pissed off by :

- The lack of consideration for people's peace and quiet

I especially think of students who have very noisy parties during the week and who don't give a fuck to their neighbours.

- The tendency to waste energy.
This REALLY drives me crazy. I'm basing this judgement on the behaviour of my (Irish) flatmate, but not only, because several other Erasmus students noticed this as well with theirs. Is it so complicated to turn off the light after leaving a room? Don't you think there's something wrong about going to bed and letting all the light turned on in the flat? I won't even talk about water. I'll just say that it's really time to make people pay for it.

I don't understand :

- The Irish way of cooking pasta
It's a method I've seen several times here, and ONLY here. Taking a saucepan, filling it with cold water, adding the pasta and coming back 30mn later. The 1st time I saw this, I was with an Italian Erasmus student. The "culprit" was his flatmate. He almost fainted.

- How people can live older than 40 with such an awful diet
I could easily count the number of times when I saw my flatmate eating vegetables or fruits with the fingers of one hand. And I'm not sure I would need them all. Chips, pizzas, potatoe waffles, fish fingers, pot noodles, chicken nuggets, canned spaghettis. That's what you can find in her part of the fridge 99% of the time. And yet she's slim. For the moment. But she's 19. Rendez-vous in 5 years to inspect the damage.
Once again, I take my flatmate as an example but I'm not the only French shocked by the diet of Irish people.

- Why the roads in such a rainy coutry have not been designed so as to enable the water to drain away properly.
It's risky to walk on College Road when it has been raining for more than 1h, with each car splashing you with water.  

First steps in Ireland

There are less than 2h flight from Paris to Cork, so no huge cultural gap is to be expected. And yet... when France meets Ireland, some unexpected events and misunderstandings due to cultural differences and language barrier are likely to arise.



Photo credits : http://kane.elim-moz.org/cartoons/cartoons.htm




Opening hours

Before coming in Cork, a friend of mine who spent several months here told me that Cork was a city which never sleeps. « Whenever you go out, there is always a lively place to go to », he told me. Indeed, he was quite right. I tested out each day of the week, and I ended up having fun almost everytime. Try to go out on a Tuesday night in Brittany and you will feel very lonely!

But paradoxically, whereas you can dance until 5 or 6 am in French nightclubs - and even have breakfast in some of them - everything is closed at 2 am here. I learned it « the hard way ». One night, I went to a pub with 2 French friends. We went to the bathroom and stayed there quite a long time because, believe me or not, it was really a nice place! Very clean, better music than in the pub, pretty decoration, perfect temperature. Heaven on earth. When we came back in the pub, it was dark and empty. All the people were gone, except the manager : « What the hell are you still doing here?! »

 

Looking for a post box

You know what? Some people still send postcards when they travel. I am one of them. I love postcards, even if postcards don 't love me. They always remain hidden in the very bottom of my bag so as I don't remember to send them. I feel a bit stupid when I send a postcard saying that I arrived safe and sound 2 months after my arrival... Some are still waiting to be sent by the way... I suppose the addressees were clever enough to deduce that my plane didn't crash. Or that I survived the crash.

Anyway, I managed to send some postcards, but finding a post box was a bit like the quest for the Holy Grail. Maybe even harder. Because nobody had told me that Irish post boxes were GREEN. What a strange idea to give the same color to post boxes and bins! As a French, here is what I was looking for :

Yes, it's ugly, it hurts the eyes, but you can locate French post boxes even if they are 1km far from you.

How're you doing?

This phrase is a mystery to me and to some French friends of mine, especially when we hear it said by a cashier. French cashiers don't ask questions. You're already lucky if they say Hello. I've been here for almost 3 months and I still feel ill-at-ease when I'm asked « how I am doing » at the cash desk. Am I supposed to answer or is it a rhethorical question from which nobody is expecting an answer? What am I supposed to answer?

« I'm a bit homesick today, I miss my dog sooo much. It's a dalmaton. Awh, I wish you could see it, it's so cute... Wanna see a picture? ».

Ok, maybe it's a bit too much. The provisory solution I have adopted is to mutter something under my breath so as the cashier doesn't really understand. I feel less ridiculous.

Somebody please tell me what to say...