Let's self-flagellate!

Brief definition

France is the country of moaning, strikes, camembert and dogs poo. Its inhabitants, the French, spend their time complaining about their pathetic country in economic crisis but describe it as the most wonderful place ever if a foreigner asks them how it is.

People

Every morning, the French man goes for a ride with his bicycle and a baguette on the carrier, a striped jumper and a beret on his head. French women are all easy and pretty as everyone knows.

Paris is the only French city. You can ask the Parisians, they will confirm it. When the weather forecasts announce a nice weather in France, it means that the sun will shine in Paris, even if it's raining cats and dogs everywhere else in the country. The rest of France is villages, burgs, hamlets, crossroads, holes, that are generally speaking called the provinces. The primitive tribes from the provinces are living under the poverty line, can't read nor write and speak incomprehensible dialects called "patois". These tribes are very different from one another. There are alcoholic tribes, like the Breton and the Norman, but also idle tribes, like in Provence for example. There is also the unemployed tribe (in the North of France), the Boche in Alsace and the pro-independence tribes like people from Corsica and the Basque, who can't bear invaders - that is to say everyone who is not from the region.

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Culture

France is also the country of gastronomy, and especially of cheese. It is the biggest cheese producer and consumer, with approximately 1 987 234 576 299 different sorts, either hard like stones or soft and runny, all stinky. The nuclear accident in Chernobyl was in fact caused by a technician who let his extra-strong Munster cheese sandwich fall in a reactor.

Major French inventions :

• Strike
• Revolution
• the 35h working week
• Guillotine
• Quebec

Source : http://desencyclopedie.wikia.com/wiki/France

I found this website during a sleepness night and I spent 1h laughing alone in front of my computer, thinking that I HAD TO translate it for this blog. An English version exists, but I've read it and it's less funny.

Next time, I'll look into Ireland's case ;)