Warning : The content of this article is NOT to be taken seriously. I'm writing for parody purposes ONLY. If I were so narrow-minded and racist, I would have stayed in my "wonderful" (...) country. So I hope nobody will get offended.
Brief definition
Ireland is very nice with its verdant hills and mountains, and it strives to attract tourists, who could have turned to England. It's also a very sunny country, which explains the skin colour of its inhabitants : see-through white. Warning : The red skin colour proudly sported by some of them is not due to the climate but rather to beer.
People
The inahbitants of Ireland live on clover. This unique feature is risky since excessive consumption of clover can lead to orange-ification of the hair. The Irish are very small and like the nature. They spend their days walking around gardens and fighting against weed killers. Sometimes, mean landscape gardeners turn them into stones in revenge and force them to wear stupid hats and to hold rakes, barrows or flower pots.
The unlucky guys are then subjected to the acidic attacks of the gardeners' dogs peeing on them...
The Irish are world-renowned for their ability to gulp down liters and liters of beer in record time. This is a nice alternative to suicide in such a rainy and cold country. The Irish drunkard always stays friendly and joyful, contrary to his French counterpart who is rather depressive and aggressive. It's also interesting to see how impervious to cold weather Irish women are. They can go out at 2am wearing bustier dresses in the middle of the winter, with no coat nor tights, while ordinary people are freezing under 3 jumpers.
Language
An old language called Gaelic still exists in Ireland. This language has been recognized as an incomprehensible dialect by the UNESCO since...since it exists, as well as the Breton for example. But since nobody understands it, English is preferably used in the everyday life. However, to differenciate a bit from the British, the Irish use specific expressions. Here is a glimpse of these lovely phrases, with their translation into English :
- Feckin' bastard : My dear friend
- Feck off : I hope to see you again
- Póg mo thóin : What about your family?
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