WTF...?!!

As a visiting student, there are some habits of Irish people that let me speechless, some in a positive way... and some not.


I like :

- People's kindness and patience with foreigners

It happened to me several times when I was lost here that people stop spontaneously to ask me if they could help. Such an initiative is VERY unlikely to be experienced in France, believe me. The employees of the reception of my student hall and those working in the Tesco Express where I often go shopping are also very kind with me, they always ask me if I feel good in Ireland, if I'm not too homesick, and so on. People here are more curious and show more interest faced with diversity. Most people in France are in the best case indifferent with foreigners, and in the worse case annoyed or scared, which I really bemoan. I'm not talking about racism, but rather about a lack of patience open-mindedness and a tendency to self-centredness.

I'm pissed off by :

- The lack of consideration for people's peace and quiet

I especially think of students who have very noisy parties during the week and who don't give a fuck to their neighbours.

- The tendency to waste energy.
This REALLY drives me crazy. I'm basing this judgement on the behaviour of my (Irish) flatmate, but not only, because several other Erasmus students noticed this as well with theirs. Is it so complicated to turn off the light after leaving a room? Don't you think there's something wrong about going to bed and letting all the light turned on in the flat? I won't even talk about water. I'll just say that it's really time to make people pay for it.

I don't understand :

- The Irish way of cooking pasta
It's a method I've seen several times here, and ONLY here. Taking a saucepan, filling it with cold water, adding the pasta and coming back 30mn later. The 1st time I saw this, I was with an Italian Erasmus student. The "culprit" was his flatmate. He almost fainted.

- How people can live older than 40 with such an awful diet
I could easily count the number of times when I saw my flatmate eating vegetables or fruits with the fingers of one hand. And I'm not sure I would need them all. Chips, pizzas, potatoe waffles, fish fingers, pot noodles, chicken nuggets, canned spaghettis. That's what you can find in her part of the fridge 99% of the time. And yet she's slim. For the moment. But she's 19. Rendez-vous in 5 years to inspect the damage.
Once again, I take my flatmate as an example but I'm not the only French shocked by the diet of Irish people.

- Why the roads in such a rainy coutry have not been designed so as to enable the water to drain away properly.
It's risky to walk on College Road when it has been raining for more than 1h, with each car splashing you with water.  

Nice discovery : Jan Saudek, photographer

I'm not a good photographer but I really like photography. I started to be particularly interested in it 2 years ago, when I made a work placement in a photo agency. My tasks had nothing to do with photography, but my boss was a photographer and since we had a very good relationship, he liked sharing his passion with me. I learnt a lot thanks to him and he also gave me the opportunity to come with him on a shooting for the advertising campaign of a cosmetics brand. It was very interesting to see a real professional shooting, with a real model. It is completely crazy to have such a control over your image. This Brasilian model mastered each muscle of her body and knew exactly how to take the best of it. No constipated smile like you and me!

I think this is the picture that the brand selected.

Anyway, this is not the type of pictures that I like, but this is during this work placement that I started to be interested in artistic photography, and I'd like to share with you some interesting pictures made by photographers whose work I particularly admire. Let's start with Jan Saudek, a Czech photographer that I discovered very recently. Not only do I find his pictures themselves breath-taking, but I also find some of the titles very interesting.  His nude pictures are sometimes crude and/or aggressive, or even grim for some of them, but they are all so elaborate that they are always fascinating. Some of them look like paintings. 





"My very first photograph"



   

"Hungry for your touch"



"David, lonely forever"



 

"Eine Tanzerin"



  

"Tell me, mirror"



"Czech girl singing"





His pictures about fatherhood also touch me a lot.



"First steps"





"The shelter"



"On the way"



"Kissing the tears away"





"You'll be a fortress and I'll be safe inside your massive walls"



Finally, what I like about his work is that anyone is worth being a model, everyone looks nice.

  

"Balerina"



 

"The girl I loved"



"The Knife"



 

"Kiss off"





"Portrait of my friend"



I like Saudek's universe so much that I ordered 2 picture books from his website, and I don't regret it, they are wonderful. It's a pity I can't show you all those I love, because lots of his pictures are nowhere to be found on the Internet. At the same time, this makes me all the more happy to have bought the books!

See you soon for another series of pictures!

French little weaknesses

When I arrived in Ireland, and more precisely when I went shopping for the first time, I realised how much I would miss French food. I really didn't think that so many stuffs I need would be impossible to find here. Where are the pistachio ice cream, the fromage frais, the Quaker cruesli (delicious crispy muesli)? And above all, where is REAL bread? I'm sorry but when I see what retailers are calling "baguette" here, it makes me shiver. That's why the very first thing I did when my plane landed in France during the Christmas holidays was buying bread. In the first bakery I saw. In the airport. I couldn't wait any longer. Great moment of happiness. Seriously, if the only bread you have ever eaten is Irish, you don't know what bread is. Then, once back at home, the first thing I did (the 2nd in fact, I kissed my mother before, I'm not so rude though) was going shopping to buy all the food I missed, and also groceries that I could bring back to Cork.

So on my way back to Ireland, I had to register another luggage, which was full of food. As a French, I love cheese and I wanted to bring back some here, but I didn't dare, I was too scared for the smell in my suitcase. Because this is not a stereotype to say that French cheeses stink. This is almost a criteria for choice! But I brought back Côte d'Or milk chocolate, chesnut spread, Speculoos spread (Speculoos are cinnamon flavoured biscuits. Sorry if you already knew it, but since I've never been able to find them here, I guess it is not that common. Anyway this spread is AMAZING), salted butter caramel (product of Brittany, we call it "salidou"), Lanvin chocolate snails filled with praline, [...] and... foie gras.


I don't know if it is very well-known in Ireland, but this is a luxury product that most of French people love. This is made of duck or goose liver, and people eat it during the Christmas period, most of the time with round little toasts and sometimes with some fig confit or caramelised onion. I don't include myself in these people because I'm not so fond of it (I brought some here to make it taste to non-French friends who were curious about it). According to me there is nothing transcendent about the taste of foie gras itself. I have a feeling that a lot of people love it "on principle", because it's a luxury good. Let's say it's a sort of unconscious snobism. That's my opinion, I know that a lot of people would contradict me. Anyway, here is what it looks like :

You'd better not know how it is made. Or maybe you should know.

The catchphrase means that there is something tragic about foie gras. This is a satire of an ad saying that there is something magic about foie gras.

I'm not judging anyone, since I bought some foie gras myself. It's just to let you know that i's a controversial product, because the ducks used to produce foie gras are overfed, which is considered as cruel.

But let's come back to what we were talking about. I complain a lot but in fact, I don't really care. It's just that moaning about everything is part of the French identity. And I didn't choose to go on an Erasmus exchange to feel as if I were at home. So maybe I won't miss Irish food and weather conditions once back to France for good. But I'm afraid I will miss all the rest.

P.S. : If someone knows where to find one of the products I mentioned, please tell me!

Nuke the French!

　

I've just discovered a website created by an American living in France, which is entirely dedicated to thrashing out French people.　Its name couldn't be more explicit : Ihatefrenchpeople.com. Everything is said. Just read. And enjoy.　

"About Jaques-Francois Frenchhater

Bonjour Bonjour …

Je m’appelle … eh what the fuck. Hi there, i’m Jaques-Francois Frenchhater (not Frenchhatter, that’s someone else) and I have something against the french. When I say the french, I mean all the french. French cars, french bread, french fries, french women, french people, french tiny-stupid-zzzzzzzz-kids, french language, french politics, french thinking, french tv channels, french porn, french music and just everything related to frenchies.

I’m middle-aged, I have my own appartment (finally), I’m male, I do have a wife (she hates french people too), and we’re have a very hateful-towards-the-slimy-french kid who will probably be the end of France. I have a really nice job in advertising, at which french people do suck, and I earn a decent amount of money (enough to occasionally get a new tv, car, computer, dog, pillow, french portrait on which to play darts).

Now enough about me … let’s go over some FAQ … which is short for frequent asked questions and not something french-related.

1. Why do you have that blog ?

Because I bought it, own it, host it and write in it. And because I hate the french.

2. What are your thoughts on discrimination ?

It’s bad, it’s filthy, it’s a way of living, and yes, the french people do discriminate a lot. You know … there’s the world, and there’s the french.

3. Why do you hate french people so much ?

Read my blog everyday to find out.

4. Are you mentally ill ?

No, not really. But I would be if a french doctor would examine me.

5. No really, stop picking on french people !

I will at some point. It’s called the apocalypse (which is a term invented by the french, that announces the day in which they will rule the world !!!!)."

　

And this man is far from being the only French Hater. He even has a fanclub. Scary...

"Dude, you made my day!

After a long French-hating day. Being frenched around by these rude, smelly frogs, I could not help myself but to Google "I hate French People" and I found your blog. I am actually not in France but in Luxembourg. Luxembourgish are nice, but they get a lot of northern-Frenchies to work (mostly of cleaning up Luxembourgish people creappers and other hihgly qualified jobs). Of course Luxembourgish speak English, German, Luxembourgish, too, they have their own language, everything. When you encounter someone that does not speak anything but French and he/she is being an asshole to you, you have found a French. Seriously, las year 6 months in Paris, beautiful city, awesome, but I would still dron an H-bomb on it. Well, luckily the Frenchies are going to be out-breeded soon by the Algerians, Inch Allah.

Keep up the good French-hating!

Cheers!!! "

Does Jaques-François Frenchhater　really hate us? I don't think so. You don't　devote　3 years of your life (yes, this man has been thrashing　us out on his website for 3 years) writing on people you hate. As French people say, "qui aime bien châtie bien" (spare the rod, spoil the child).

However, this fan does hate us　:

"I just wanted to say that I also really hate and lothe the french people. They should all fuck off and die. I just really really hate them. Fuck them all! Nuke them! Do what ever it takes to get rid of those worseless motherfuckers. Next time I see someone from france I will do something bad to him/her. I’m not joking. I really hate them. So my question is: Will french people ever realize how hated they are? Europe and rest of the world hates you french motherfuckers!"

I've tried to find some humor or hidden meaning in this comment, but I'm still looking for it. This fan has made French-Hating a religion. I wouldn't like to meet him at night in a dark and empty street.

Jaques-François French-hater writes for parody purposes. Yes he does. It is written in　VERY small letters at the VERY　bottom of the　website page, but it is written.　Not　only has this　man a particular talent for parody, but he also　lives in the best playground　ever to exert his talent: Paris!

I hate Paris. More precisely, I hate Parisians. Paris would really　be the most wonderful place ever...if Parisians didn't live there. In fact, I am one of them, I was born in this awful place. But contrary to most Parisians, I don't proclaim it. I don't feel Parisian at all. I was forced to go back there this summer for a work placement and I started to hate them all after one week. I think I even started to hate the mankind.　
I hate them but I have to admit that they are funny. I like sitting on a banch or in the metro, watching people and sticking a label on them. It is stupid, it is all based on stereotypes and clichés, but it whiles the time away when you're waiting for your train of for the next metro train. Let me describe the two most distracting ones for me :

The elite

As the name suggests, it is only a minority of the Parisian population, even　if these people reign　over some districts.　What does the elite look like?

Clean. Dirt is for the poor. Rich. Poverty is for the others. Louis Vuitton handbag. Because you can't have quality under 1000 euros.

Among the elite, I make a distinction between 2 sub-categories. Those who have some class, and those who don't, depending on the number of logos in their outfit.

The ghetto b*tches

Same kind of look as the elite b*tches, but with plastic instead of leather and acrylic instead of cashmere. Fake Vuitton or fake Chanel from head to feet. Choose your team! Both will lose.

　

This is a bit beside the point, but I also like watching tourists in Paris. And laughing at them. But in fact, this is a kind of self-derision, because I'm more or less part of them.

French tourists

Some of them try to fit in with the Parisian crowd : they have a worried face and walk very fast in the metro, even if they have absolutely no idea about where they are going (that's the strategy I use). They just want to keep their tourist status secret. Because real Parisians hate French tourists. They are standing on the wrong side in the escalators,　do you realize!　Some others come on terms with their intruder tourist status and　don't hesitate to look　at the metro maps. The most courageous ones even dare ask their way. Respect.

Foreign tourists

They stop every 2 minutes to take pictures. And they are right. Those with a partner stop on each bridge　they　go over to kiss, because they think that's what all the Parisians do.　But that's what French tourists do.

The case of stinky Christmas gifts

Opening a Christmas gift is always a source of stress for me. Because the only socially acceptable reaction in this situation is smiling and being thankful. But I'm always scared of being betrayed by the expression of my face. This is probably a trauma due to the family of one of my ex-boyfriend. The tradition in this family was to film people opening their presents. And to watch the records of the previous years again and again. So you had no right to make a mistake. If you had not the right smile on your face, it would be immortalized and it would come back at every Christmas to haunt you until your death. Or until you break up.

"It's the thought that counts". Ok, but what was my ex-mother-in-law thinking of when she bought this for me?

I found this picture in Google Images, it's the same style as the one I received, but mine was a bit worse. 

I broke up with her son before the following Christmas, but I swear it was not (only) for getting away from the showing of the record of me opening this gift.

My father is also a specialist for stinky gifts. But fortunately, a smile - even a fake one - is enough to fool him! This year was no exception to the rule. He bought me a dress. It's a pity I didn't take a picture of me wearing it. Not only is the pattern a visual aggression, but it is also a bit unsuitable. I admit I put on some weight since I've been in Erasmus, but this dress would still be too large if I put on 30 more kilos. But I love my Dad anyway. What was his gift last year again.....Oh ya, I remember : a satchel bag with the inscription "La Poste" (French postal service). Hmmm thanks Dad!

Didn't you receive an email from eBay the day after Christmas? I did. The title was : "Disappointed with your Christmas gifts? Sell them on eBay!". I've never sold a present on eBay. Maybe I'm not cynic enough. Or maybe the stinky presents I received were too stinky to be sold to anyone.

Is it cynic not to like a present? Presents are well-meant, people who bought them spent time to choose them, put a part of their soul into them. So I think it is cynic. Or rather, I thought it was. Until I visit this website : http://whydidyoubuymethat.com/ . Now I know that some presents have no soul! Here is my "favourite":

This is not a present, this is almost malice!

Now I almost like my new dress. Thanks David Hasselhoff!